(Especially as Nigerian Parents Raising Children in the UK)
Raising children in the UK as Nigerians often means balancing our strong cultural values with modern child-development principles. While discipline is important, some behaviours should be guided, not punished, even when they feel uncomfortable or unfamiliar.
Here are 7 things you should never punish your child for, and why understanding them matters.
1️⃣ Expressing Big Emotions
Crying, anger, frustration, or emotional outbursts are part of emotional development, not bad behaviour.
Punishing a child for showing emotions sends the message that feelings are “wrong” or unacceptable. Instead, children should be taught how to express emotions safely and calmly.
👉 When children feel emotionally safe, they learn self-control faster.
2️⃣ Making Honest Mistakes
Mistakes are a normal part of growing up, especially during early development.
Punishing children for honest errors can:
- Create fear of failure
- Lead to anxiety and perfectionism
- Stop them from trying new things
Mistakes should be treated as learning opportunities, not offences.
3️⃣ Struggling With Change and Transitions
Children often struggle with:
- Ending playtime
- Starting homework
- New routines or environments
Resistance to change is not disobedience, it’s developmental. Giving warnings, explaining what’s coming next, and offering choices works better than punishment.
👉 Understanding reduces power struggles.
4️⃣ Needing Extra Time or Help
Every child develops at a different pace.
Punishing a child for being slow or needing help can damage:
- Confidence
- Self-esteem
- Motivation
Patience and support help children build confidence and independence over time.
5️⃣ Expressing Different Opinions
Disagreeing respectfully is not disrespect.
Children sharing their opinions are learning:
- Communication skills
- Critical thinking
- Personal identity
Shutting them down through punishment teaches silence, not respect. Healthy discussions strengthen parent-child relationships.
6️⃣ Seeking Comfort or Reassurance
When children feel scared, overwhelmed, or insecure, they naturally seek comfort.
Punishing a child for being “clingy” can create emotional insecurity. Children who receive reassurance early often become more independent, not less.
👉 Secure attachment leads to confident children.
7️⃣ Asking Questions or Being Curious
Curiosity is how children learn about the world.
Dismissing or punishing questions may:
- Limit learning
- Reduce confidence
- Create fear of speaking up
Encouraging curiosity helps children develop problem-solving skills and confidence.
Final Thought for Nigerian Parents in the UK 🇳🇬🇬🇧
Discipline does not always mean punishment. Sometimes, it means teaching, guiding, listening, and understanding.
By adjusting how we respond to our children’s emotions and behaviours, we raise children who are:
- Emotionally secure
- Confident
- Resilient
- Respectful
And most importantly, ready to thrive in both Nigerian and British cultures.
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