Parenting styles are shifting across the world, and Nigerians in the UK are part of that conversation. Many parents are moving away from the quick “no” and instead trying phrases like “let’s try this…” or “how about we do that instead…”.
The goal is simple: reduce power struggles, protect children’s self-esteem, and raise kids who can manage themselves — not just kids who obey out of fear. But the big question is: does this “gentle” or “positive parenting” style actually work?
The short answer is yes — when done with structure and boundaries. On the other hand, when “gentle” turns into “permissive” (no rules, no limits), it can backfire.
What Positive Parenting Really Means
Positive parenting (sometimes called gentle parenting) prioritises warmth, empathy, and strong parent-child relationships over punishment. Instead of shouting or threats, it uses:
- Praise for effort instead of only results
- Clear limits with explanations (“No sweets before dinner because it will spoil your appetite”)
- Choices that support autonomy (“Would you like rice or yam for dinner?”)
This approach draws on decades of developmental psychology research, especially the authoritative style — high warmth, high expectations, and consistent boundaries.
For example, the Triple P – Positive Parenting Program, studied across thousands of families worldwide, has shown that structured positive parenting reduces tantrums and behaviour problems while improving confidence in both children and parents.
Why Connection PLUS Boundaries Works Best
- Warmth alone is not enough: If parents only show empathy without rules, kids may push harder or become confused.
- Boundaries with explanation work better: Children are more likely to cooperate when they understand why a rule exists.
- Choices reduce resistance: Saying, “No biscuits now, but you can have fruit or yoghurt” helps kids feel some control without breaking boundaries.
Research also shows that kids raised with both warmth and structure perform better in school, develop stronger social skills, and manage stress more effectively.
Practical Tips for Nigerian Parents in the UK
- Keep the boundary, change the delivery
- Instead of blunt “no”, try: “Not now, but after homework you can…”
- Be consistent
- Children thrive when rules are the same with mum, dad, and even extended family in the home.
- Offer small choices
- “You can’t skip school. Do you want to walk or take the bus?”
- Coach, don’t lecture
- Label emotions: “I see you’re upset.” Then teach a calming strategy and restate the rule.
- Adapt for different children
- Some kids (especially with high energy, ADHD, or behaviour challenges) need very clear, predictable rules.
The Bottom Line
For Nigerians raising kids in the UK, “positive parenting” doesn’t mean abandoning discipline. It means saying “no” less often — but saying it with warmth, explanation, and alternatives when you do.
If you want less shouting and more cooperation at home, focus on the balance of love and limits. That balance is what helps children grow into confident, respectful, and independent young adults.
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