Parenting in a new country like the UK often comes with pressure to get everything right—from managing school runs and packed lunches to helping kids navigate two cultures. But what if the goal wasn’t perfection, but simply good enough?
Surprisingly, this isn’t a new parenting trend from social media. It’s rooted in the work of Dr. Donald Winnicott, a British pediatrician and psychoanalyst who coined the term “good enough mother”—now more widely used as “good enough parent.” His research shows that if parents respond appropriately to their child’s emotional needs just 30% of the time, that’s enough for healthy development.
Wait, just 30%?
Yes—this idea may sound shocking, especially for Nigerian parents raised on strict routines, high expectations, and the ever-present fear of “spoiling the child.” But 30% parenting doesn’t mean ignoring your child 70% of the time. It means recognising that your child doesn’t need you to be perfect all the time—just present, responsive, and emotionally available enough to create a sense of safety.
Children don’t grow from perfection—they grow from recovery
As odd as it sounds, your child benefits from small moments of disappointment, waiting, or not getting exactly what they want. These aren’t parenting failures—they’re opportunities for growth. It’s how children learn patience, problem-solving, and emotional strength.
When you mess up but repair the connection—say sorry, give a reassuring hug, or explain what happened—you’re teaching resilience. And resilience is one of the most important tools any Nigerian child can have while growing up in a world that often misunderstands or underestimates them.
Dear parents: you also need healing
For many Nigerian parents in the UK, the urge to “do better” for our kids comes from a place of love—but also from unhealed experiences of our own. We often carry guilt when we don’t get it all right. The 30% idea is freeing. It tells us: You don’t have to be a perfect parent to be a good one.
You’re allowed to feel tired, overwhelmed, confused, and still be a loving, impactful parent. Showing your kids how you navigate hard emotions—without shame—is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
The 70% is not failure—it’s life
The other 70% of parenting isn’t wrong—it’s just real life. It’s you trying to juggle work, bills, immigration paperwork, and school letters. It’s you saying, “I don’t know right now” or “Let’s figure it out together.” It’s missed signals and delayed reactions, but it’s also trying again.
That space—of uncertainty, of not always knowing what to do—is what teaches your child adaptability, emotional flexibility, and trust.
30% is already in you
Most Nigerian parents are already doing 30% parenting—just without the language for it. You’re showing up. You’re packing jollof and sandwiches. You’re listening when your child is upset. You’re choosing your words carefully during tough moments. That’s the magic of 30%—it’s not about doing everything right; it’s about doing the right things when it matters.
In a world that often demands too much from parents—especially immigrants navigating identity, racism, and financial stress—30% parenting is a quiet revolution. One that gives both parent and child room to grow, learn, and love without the pressure to be perfect.
✅ Bottom line: You are enough. Not because you do everything right—but because you show up with love, honesty, and a willingness to grow. And for your child, that’s more than good enough.
🔗 Read more real-life parenting, mental health, and wellbeing content for Nigerians in the UK on Naija UK Connect.
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