What Nigerian parents in the UK should know — and do — about sibling competition.
Let’s be honest — wahala between brothers and sisters is part of growing up. Whether it’s fighting over who holds the remote or arguing about who’s “Mummy’s favourite,” sibling rivalry is very normal. In many Nigerian homes, it’s almost expected. But when does it go from playful banter to something deeper — even harmful?
Recent studies show that when rivalry crosses into bullying — name-calling, constant put-downs, or unfair treatment — it can leave lasting emotional scars. One UK study in 2021 even found that sibling bullying is linked to low self-esteem, depression, and self-harm in early adulthood.
So how can Nigerian parents in the UK make sure rivalry helps, not harms? Here are practical tips tailored to our unique family dynamics:
💡 Tips for Handling Sibling Rivalry the Naija Way
1. Stop the comparison game.
It’s easy to say things like “Look at your brother — he got all As!” or “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” But this kind of comparison, even if said in jest, can cause deep resentment. Every child is unique. Celebrate that.
2. Check your parental bias.
We’re human — sometimes we connect more easily with one child than another. Maybe one is more obedient, more affectionate, or just easier to manage. But be intentional about showing love and support to all your children equally. Children notice these things — especially in African homes where silence is often mistaken for strength.
3. Mind the milestones.
When a new baby is born or one child wins an award, others may feel overlooked or “less-than.” Celebrate with the family, but also offer extra affection or time to the sibling who might feel sidelined. A simple “I’m proud of you too” can go a long way.
4. Praise without ranking.
Your daughter might love drawing while your son is a maths whiz. Celebrate both — without saying one is better. Encourage them to shine in their own ways.
5. Let them follow their passion.
Just because Daddy was an engineer doesn’t mean all the kids must toe the same line. Encourage each child to explore what they genuinely enjoy — be it music, sports, coding, or cooking.
6. One-on-one time matters.
Spend quality time with each child, doing something they enjoy. It doesn’t have to be expensive — even a simple walk or cooking together counts. This helps each child feel seen and valued.
Raising kids in the UK as a Nigerian parent comes with its own challenges — from culture clash to generational expectations. But by handling sibling rivalry with wisdom, fairness, and love, we can help our children build not just healthy self-esteem, but lifelong bonds with each other.
Let’s raise children who uplift each other — not compete to the point of emotional harm. After all, na together we dey grow.
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